Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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