Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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