So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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