also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
