hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
