The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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