and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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