im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
