I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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