I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize