Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
