We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
