my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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