I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
