can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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