is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
