Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
