sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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