Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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