dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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