I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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