ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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