I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
