why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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