He kissed a someone with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
