i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
