the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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