evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
