I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
