Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
