i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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