So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
