I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
