you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
