remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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