the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
