I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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