You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize