Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
