Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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