i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
