I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
