You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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