I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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