the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
