She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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