just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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