I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
