It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
