Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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