Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
