I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i out mim tonsoeep
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