If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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