This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize