Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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