why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
