Screwed.edu
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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