Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
