Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
