Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize