i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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