i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
