Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
