I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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