Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize