Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
