so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
