that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
