I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
