Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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